I have been harboring some pretty angry feelings towards someone and I'm having a really hard time figuring out exactly how to move beyond them. I don't speak to this person and she is not a part of my daily life, but she has greatly impacted my life by her behavior. I don't know how many times I have rehearsed what I'd like to say to her. I know in the end, it wouldn't actually make me feel better. I feel like she is painfully weak to begin with and so telling her just how messed up she is would only make it worse.
I feel stuck. I understand that some of my feelings are part of my own personal damage. I have some serious sore spots and as a result, I expect more distance from the parts that still sting. I want total distance. I want to bury it a thousand feet down. I'd be totally happy if she just magically disappeared from the earth.
I don't think this person knows how I feel nor do I think she cares. This is a big reason why I feel like I need to tell her. But... I won't. Instead, I'll search my soul to find a way to let it all go and accept that people are flawed and broken in their own ways and cannot help themselves. I'm a little worn out by the whole forgiving people thing. I've had my fill for a few decades.
Until the magic day when I can breath that peaceful feeling of forgiveness, I will probably continue to use lots and lots of four letter words to replace her name. !*@&$(& #*&^ !!!!!!!!
3 comments:
If you don't let it go you will do something really horrible and then you will have to figure a way to forgive yourself which sucks worse.
I agree - its much harder to forgive yourself.
Plus, she knows. I mean, she does...but she doesn't care and/or it doesn't register with her or matter to her. You hating her doesn't affect her life at all. It only affects yours.
Unless this is about me - then I am clueless and SO SORRY for slapping in you 8th grade!!
It's so difficult when we harbor feelings of resentment because usually the other person doesn't know or doesn't care-as you stated,and so we end up with all this anger built up inside of us over someone who isn't even worth the energy. The action of "Letting go" is so much easier said than done, but if one can do it they have had an opportunity for growth and a burden lifed from their back. Best of luck to you~
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