Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Here Comes the Rain


It's raining outside and it couldn't have come at a better time. I was feeling like one of those clouds, all swollen and full and ready to burst, but... just waiting. I've been staring at my wall for the last .. oh.. two hours or more.

Yesterday my neighbors asked me to stop by their barbecue tonight. They said they had invited over a bunch of old college friends and that it would be fun and would I like to come. I told them I'd try to make it if I didn't have to work. Well, as I left work early tonight, I needed to kill some time so that it wasn't obvious that I was avoiding their shindig. I decided to catch a 5:00 showing of The Dark Knight, which was a great choice, because it kept me occupied until after 8:00. That made me well beyond fashionably late and instead of stopping by to say hello, I just kept my head down and made a mad dash for my door. I wasn't feeling social at all and really didn't think I had it in me to navigate my way through my "Married Mormon Neighbor Social Glitch Syndrome" or MMNSGS. For some bizarre reason, I lose all my social skills when confronted with these neighbors. I like them. I think they are sweet and warm and friendly, but I just cannot find a common groove with them and it causes me to take a social nose dive. The conversation could be 1 minute or 10. Doesn't matter. I wish I had a hidden camera so that I could record the expressions on their faces. I feel this pressure to fill in the silent moments and so I talk more than I need to and often things just come out that shouldn't. I really cannot put my finger on it, but I don't know how many more dinner invitations I can dodge with them. I think it would be torture to have to sit for a meal while I over share all night and watch in horror as they file me away in the minds as a special case in need of their fellowship. Ugh!


OOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo crap! I'm scared. I like RAIN ... um... but I don't like lightening. I want to hide under something and cover my ears.

9 comments:

stanford said...

You should quit your job and become a writer. I really love some of your descriptions... and insights into your feelings... well written... very insightful...

I intended to respond to couple of your earlier post but I couldn't remember my password... and it turned into a nightmare trying to post a little comment... an hour later I gave up... I finally got my password... a word I had misspelled... oops.

Ms. Hobbs said...

Stanford... I MISS YOU!!!! I was looking through pictures yesterday and it took me back. I found one of you in a mask. I guess you let me give you a facial. Very funny! Some days I wish I could go back in time and keep some friendships as they used to be.

Thanks for the very nice compliment. :)

Marie B. said...

I love that you went to a movie after work. I think I should do that too. Sometimes it takes so much energy to socialize. It can really tax my reserves. I love your honesty about it.
Hi Stanford!

rerah968 said...

I am like you, sometimes I just don't feel like socializing. It requires so much effort. And some people require more effort than others, like with your LDS couple. And to me it's almost worth it just to avoid those people all together, rather than feeling stupid afterwards.

Tammy said...

Maybe they aren't trying to fellowship you. Maybe they want to hang out because they like you and your rambling. That's why I like you.

stanford said...

There is no stepping back in time... I think even if we could it wouldn't be the same Groundhogs Day. But I know exactly what you mean...
Two thoughts...
I'd like to post a blog that was mere comments... I wonder how far that would go.
Second, thought...
After Lewis & Clark returned from their amazing adventures and explorations... they struggled to survive within the confines of social norms... I think Lewis eventually died of suicide. Anyway, we all have amazing moments in our lives and then sometimes we are reduced... sometimes we are left with a feeling of being discarding and friendless... I don't know why that is but I find it interesting... the extremes of life.

Ms. Hobbs said...

Stanford:

I think that there is always a little sadness when you move on from what was, to something new. Even if the new part of your life is better and you are stronger for it. I like the me I am today more than the me I was yesterday, but there are parts of me and how I related to people in the past that I miss.

One thing I find interesting about you is that you have the ability of being an observer to both light and dark and can be equally as objective in both areas. I can do that as well and I don't find many others who can. I wonder if that skill comes from being comfortable in dark places for having lived them or if it is just a personality quirk.

I love your blog idea. It could be a very interesting experiment. :)

Ms. Hobbs said...

Tammy:

Thanks! I appreciate that you like my awkward ramblings and when I talk too much. I shall try to do much more of that around you now. ;) Maybe they do like me for it. I often think they are trying to make up for the fact that they always ask me to water their garden when they are away, which is often. I tend to be suspicious of people who are nice to me when I don't feel a similar connection on the other end. Not that I doubt their intent AT ALL. I think they are VERY good, very nice people. I just get a sense of things being a little forced sometimes. I can handle polite banter, but extended relationships based upon politeness are much further than I will commit to. Just me. :)

Natelli Johnston said...

You describe things so well, I could feel the awkwardness. Sometimes there are just people that you don't mesh with. They probably like your ramblings and want to fellow ship you. I am the same, I will share way to much info about myself and it often gets me into trouble, I teach the mia maids in young womens and I was not a perfect teen and made a lot of mistakes, I am very open about it and sort of got into trouble for it, It kind of bothered me that they want me to pretend to be something I am not. I will not put on a show for anyone. I am not going to pretend or try to be something just to impress someone or fit in with the group, if I decide to change it is because something inspired me to do so. anyways sorry for that little ramble. I think you are great and real.