Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Morning Ride Through Uneasy

Ugh! I haven't felt this feeling in a while. I find it astonishing what stress will do to my body. I haven't eaten well, which has been good for the size of my ass, but tends to break one's mind into itty, bitty particles. I feel like I get myself put together and then ... suddenly, I just unravel. Over the last six weeks or so, I've felt so good. I wake up feeling like I'd like to vomit, but it usually subsides by the time I get to work. This is new. For the better part of 4 years, I would wake up feeling like I'd like to vomit, come to work and feel it until everyone else left the building. In the last few weeks, I've been more social than ever. I go to lunch with people I don't know well and I'm able to carry on a conversation at someone's desk without feeling that overwhelming urge to just get up and RUN! Today, I'm having a much harder time ditching that sick feeling. I forgot just how badly I used to feel. When you are experiencing it on a daily basis, you just take it for what it's worth and you become a little numb to it all. GOD.. I HATE this feeling. No wonder I secluded myself for 4 years. I'd rather live life in a cage than have to endure these feelings on a daily basis by being part of society.

I am currently working on talking myself through this and I hope it will pass. I took a pill and will wait to see if it pulls me back together.

I just want to find a colorful pumpkin patch and lay in the sun for a few months. Is that really too much to ask?

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